Thank you! Interesting that you found that phrase too melodramatic; others on the query board had found it too matter-of-fact and wanted more drama! But I can see what you mean, and so can Deirdre. She had some ideas of how to change it.

In any case, I'm glad that you and Deirdre both think it works - in spite of all I had to cut out. :) Hope all is going well with you in your new place.