mary_j_59: (kiril sword)
mary_j_59 ([personal profile] mary_j_59) wrote2010-08-01 11:43 pm
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A third try at the query

Here's another attempt at the query. R.J. and Deirdre, thanks so much for your help! I think this is definitely a lot better than my first try, but I'm not sure it's there yet. More under the cut-


Sometimes you have to do what is right, even if it costs you your life.

16-year-old Kiril Tesurik knows this. He knows his little brother has been kidnapped and sent to the desert mines, where the cruel Lord Marakis uses children – cheaper and easier to replace than robots – to carry explosives down tunnels. The elders of his family intend to bring their case before the high nobles at the annual court session. But they have no solid proof, and a man like Marakis wouldn't hesitate to lie. Besides, Kennet might be dead by then.

Kiril has sworn to the gods that he will protect his brother. But, on Telanan, the government will punish your entire family for any crime you commit. In order to rescue Kennet, Kiril will have to lie, steal, and betray everyone he loves, losing his life, his home, his family, and his honor.

If Kiril does everything perfectly, no punishment will fall on anyone else – only on him. He' knows everything he needs to carry out his plan, except for one detail he's forgotten. He hasn't planned to survive. He doesn't know how to go on living as a nameless creature, a ghost among aliens. To do this, and to go on protecting his brother, may require heroism of a kind Kiril has never imagined.

HONOR is a standalone SF novel for young adults, complete at 80.600 words. I am contacting (agency) because, as a teen librarian, I am familiar with several of the authors you represent and would be honored to be in their company. A short story from this novel has been published in issue 31 of "Mythic Circle", and I am working on two shorter fantasy novels for middle-grade children. I look forward to hearing from you.

[identity profile] mary-j-59.livejournal.com 2010-08-02 03:03 pm (UTC)(link)
As a reader, I can definitely see where you're coming from, Sylvanawood! But RJ, above, told me that a query isn't exactly like the jacket blurb, in that you don't want to spoil your readers, but shouldn't worry about spoiling the agent. They need to hear the whole story. As far as that goes, the main part of the story is the kidnapping, what leads up to it, and what follows from it. But there are two climaxes, as it were, and RJ thought I should hint at the second - thus the last paragraph.